In healing the sacral chakra I’ve decided to become abstinent, which is connected to Venus transiting Aries as it is my natal placement.
I’m a married woman so making this decision actually does affect someone else but he will benefit I will explain later on.
Healing my sacral chakra is important because it is the most deeply wounded for me but also for many others. Western culture thrives on draining our creative and pleasure drives for the machine’s lust for power.
I wish my sexual relationship could be healthy and I’m hoping this heals that part of our life. It’s going to be an interesting personal campaign to have an asexual romantic relationship. I don’t really know how to handle a relationship that doesn’t rely on sex to be maintained. At least that’s how all my previous relationships have been formed. Through juvenile avenues of creativity and pleasure I found friends and physical lovers. I have to heal this aspect of myself because it is one of my most powerful points. I want to channel this energy into the great ideas I have but I can’t waste it away on non viable connections that I have picked up on in my life. I have to turn my sexuality into fuel for my creative passions. I’m wasting it on my husband who doesn’t even have clarity about his own sexuality. In doing this purification, it will help both of us notice what is important in our lives. To me, it’s my family and my career progression which relies heavily on the passion of my creativity. I hate to say it’s wasted on my husband and on others in the past as well, but in the sense that I expend my energy on romantic ventures which rarely lead to the satisfaction that I’m craving. I don’t believe that I’ll find full satisfaction with a physical partner and marrying myself to Jesus is far more fulfilling spiritually. At least when I’m connected to J.C. I feel much more complete and I don’t need the physical pleasure that is very addictive. It’s addictive to me and my body is addictive to others. I can’t misuse the power that is god given to be used for my work. In this modern society, sex is power and I have to be in total control of my sexuality to succeed. I will be happy when I reach the stage of life where I can be sexually free and open and able to honestly express it to my partner. I wasn’t anticipating this part of my path but I know it is necessary to achieve the greater goals. I haven’t even been satisfied with sex in my life.
This will be grotesque but when I don’t know if I can be satisfied physically when my first impression of a dick was disproportionate to my body at the time. A grown man’s penis is triple sized by comparison to any dick I could get nowadays. And also the emotional connection I had to the men who abused me left a few scars. I feel like I haven’t had real sex, whatever that is. I haven’t experienced sex without the hierarchy and sex outside the hierarchy was just promiscuous nonsense. The nihilism that permeates society has touched on all the sex and romance in western culture and some other cultures around the world. For me, I have felt the bodies of many men and they had the vibration of nihilism on them, they wanted to feel alive and so did I. I’m just as guilty of indulging without care. I have some shame for behaving the way I did In that stage of my life. I was heartless and uncaring. Yet at the same time I desired the opposite in a relationship. I want a lot for my life but I have to pace it out one aspect at a time. I don’t know how to juggle all of it at once. My sex life has always been a complicated part of my life since I never knew how to deal with it. I just had to cut it out of my life since my friendships get complicated with sex, my romance got messed up with my lack of control over it. I feel like the only way to be happy is sexless. I feel like sex is a result of manipulation of emotions. When I want sex, I know I act a certain way to get it. When men want sex, they act a certain way to ensure it happens. But if I remove sex from the equation, I can start getting real and fresh responses without the sex possibility clouding the outcomes. We could try not to be driven by lust, power plays and gluttonous desires. I can start answering some questions about my life finally. What if sex wasn’t the black hole of my life where energy goes to die. Sex was what most guys wanted out of me. I was always worried that my marriage was based loosely on the fact that I was always sexually available. I don’t know how unique it is to myself but I certainly recognize how sexuality is connected to art, in a dance of balance of fulfillment and indulgence. I feel myself getting tense on the topic because it is such a fine line. Even though I know that sex won’t fulfill and doing art would though the time it takes for one or the other is drastically different as well as the results.
I have grown up believing that all men want out women is sex or something related. It’s hard to believe men are even equipped with empathy when I have seen such cruelty of all kinds from men. Not that my husband shows the same cruelty, I fell for him because I felt he wasn’t an asshole like most guys, he still but in a more pathetic way. The shadows and real scars of the other men in my life have caused me to feel a uncomfortable distrust in men. If I was a virgin until I met my husband, I probably would’ve went with lesbianism because I would have seen it happen to my friends around me though it might have been different. Having that mask on, I would’ve seen it second hand and sensed that sex wasn’t worth anything except producing a child now that I know how much energy it takes from you.
I want to be fulfilled in other parts of my life and sex has not come close to achieving anything like it. Satisfactory sex is just a misnomer for wanting more of the same fulfillment which I also learned is rare to happen. I don’t want to rely on sex for anything in my relationship. I need to maintain my relationship with the divine and becoming addicted to the physical sensations will quickly pull me into my personal hell of eternal detachment. It’s why the major religious sects have a covenant that involves forced sexual repression through circumcision or chastity. Sexuality is powerful and uncontrolled in culture since propaganda rapes our psyches and activated frequencies that we can’t turn off on our own because of how misunderstood the concept is. I have to figure it out on my own so I can understand the sexuality of others. I am addicted to relieving the tension but I want to use that tension to start putting my patience into something much more powerful that will be beneficial.
It will be a while until this part of my energy field is fully healed but I have strong intentions set for balancing and maintaining. It’s difficult for some people to put such strict boundaries on yourself but this is the difference between addiction and freedom. It’s not only about sex obviously, but healing this aspect of myself balances all my chakras. Recovering this channel with nourish the roots, raise confidence, empower love and truth and gives your vision deeper creative insight. That’s what I have been feeling at least with each day of meditative rehab. I’m gauging this will be the entirety of Venus transiting Aries.
It gives me a collective message that we all need to heal our hearts by recognizing what is beautiful and fulfills us. How can we set healthy boundaries that open our hearts up to love without infringing on personal trust levels? In our sacral chakra, we have to protect it from imbalance and careless borders. It is the water chakra. During meditation, I envision a reservoir of pure water on a mountain. To get the most out of this powerful source, I have to carefully carve a path that controls the flow at a steady pace. It takes a long time but the careful work with be worth it. Rushing will just end up with flooding and excess drainage which means it will take a lot longer for that reservoir to refill. That energy is there for you anytime you need it but it does have a recharge time and that takes away energy from other parts of your astral working. Handcrafting your riverbank means that you will be able to enter the flow state with ease once it is connected from top to bottom.