As I lay here next to my husband, I started to think about the state of masculinity.
It is sad to see good men wasting away on consumerism. Ideas lost in the so-called free market. Disappointed by their fathers. Neglected father and child relationships. Unemotionally disconnected to society in an unhealthy way. On the internet, it’s obvious in every corner that the internet is full of men who don’t have good relationships with their parents. Self-inflicted or involuntarily, generally the latter since there were a whole lot of B-minus parenting done in the last couple generations.
Men need encouragement. Men can easily encourage each other; battle cries are a common male trope. Encouraging someone to do something, coercion in its more cunning form, is typically masculine activity. This is how guys get in trouble if they listen to the bad guy long enough and the good one doesn’t speak up loud enough. However, we seem to have lost one vital pathway of communication between each other. Women and men are supposed to communicate in the vibration of love, but it’s totally twisted up right now.
Not love as in high amount of attraction towards one’s sex organs or appearance that media would have you consider, but deep understanding of one another. We don’t know how to find proper mates anymore. There’s an argument to be made we aren’t meant for lifelong monogamy, possible more of a serial monogamous type of relationship or a polyamory at some level. However, I get the sense that it is a true phenomenon. Lifelong happy couples. Love is certain level of communication. You can’t teach yourself into love. This idea of love in the western view is not healthy.
I had an idealized vision of love like most of us gain throughout our experiences in youth. Whether it was fairy tales, movies, or our parents, we formulated a vision of how a healthy couple should look and act. We would see families and lovers out in public such as church or the mall. I can already hear the snide remarks about how people put on a show of acting civilized when out in public. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being well mannered in certain situations. But to minds that are ill formed, it means to them that the image of the perfect family in public means that your homelife isn’t what it’s supposed to be. Sometimes there is nothing really wrong with your family and other times you realize a horrifying reality that things aren’t right at home. That will warp your view of relationships into adulthood.
There’s recently been a big fuss over pornography. When it comes to porn, I glance sometimes when I’m bored or if it comes across my timeline, I’ll pause to examine it. However, for me and others, porn is really a waste of time and a gluttonous lustful activity. Too much of it has been shone to cause brain damage. I recently read that children commonly get exposed to porn around ages of 13-15 and sometimes as young as 5. A parent isn’t 100 percent, but it makes me realize how easy it is to access if you aren’t careful. Considering animated porn can usually sneak past censors it can end up on YouTube. The internet is not a place for kids surely. But I bring this up to say that porn influences your expectations in relationships and diverts your root energy away. I’ve figured out that masturbation stimulates your brain in a way that uses your creative energy. I find that I create my best work when I’m sexually starved and when I finish the piece it can be just as satisfying. There’s something about that root energy that you can use towards your creative processes. It’s definitely different for women but I see this is why monk and nuns are usually celibate and expending their sexual energy into spiritual energy.
The trick we’ve all been played on is the language of love. It’s not easy to grasp because it does go against our domesticated psychology. You have to harness your sexuality for love. I don’t mean tame it either, I mean train it. There’s a beast inside of you and society has told you girls want brave princes but we have misread it. The knight is the tamed beast. Able to unleash himself and reign it in appropriately. A master of his Self. Women should become humble queens in nature to match this. This sounds all whimsical so let me be clear I’m being metaphorical.
Chivalry shouldn’t have died because it’s left men with nothing to aspire to when the church encourages weakness and submission. The higher masculine deity to emasculate your soul purpose and prime you for indoctrination into western society’s plot to make you weak and subservient to a corporate or State male figure. Look at American Psycho for a glimpse into the mind of the type of people this system creates. He couldn’t even be capable of love for another when he saw himself, that “image of god” (that culture created), he was in love with himself, his god, the god that western society has propped up.
So, men feel even more burdened with the patriarchal institution that has sexual dominance built into it. As soon as young men look a little mature or show early signs of dominance, they are quickly put into places by some other masculine authority. Therefore, ill-equipped single mothers can be the worst for boys because the masculine dominance that comes from their mothers creates a void that screws with sexual attraction when they get older. Also, with burgeoning male puberty and the unbuffered relationship with the mother, it can definitely create blurred lines in the mind’s eye. I suppose this also why pornography is so popular because it gives a different buffer to expressing sexuality. It creates a buffer to healthy relationships because the porn is all visual, this includes making your imaginary girlfriend an e-girl. You are rewiring your brain to think that real girls aren’t your thing when you burn your pleasure receptors out on jacking off to porn regularly. You aren’t building your sexuality in line with your communication ability.
The problem I sense in my relationship that many others can relate to is the type of lovemaking we like. Though we know what we like, for some it can be hard to articulate what you would like. This creates a rift in the other ways we communicate verbally or emotionally. “you don’t understand me” actually means “you don’t know how to fuck me properly”. But it’s hard to understand that even for the person shouting it. Bodily expression with sex is like a dance to a rhythm only your body hears. We go to clubs to do our mating dances and find a similar vibration. Loud clubs aren’t good for this since the loud music is meant to activate those vibes inside of you. What’s missing from this equation learning how to communicate our “music” in a relationship. So, they say find someone who is your best friend, which is good, but it is still not a good level to seek a lover on because friendship is a communal energy. That’s polyamory but not in a healthy way. Friendship and filial relationships are similar and shouldn’t be confused in a romantic sense, that creates other unhealthy complexes.
In this insane civilization, men and women have been propagandized left and right into how we should behave with one another and how we should act, even going against our own nature. I believe that all of us should take a journey of self-discovery of love and do it alone. You have to stand up on your own before you reach out for another. Otherwise codependency can occur negatively. Leaning on each other, the state or overburdening the one who is actually strong enough on their own. We have to be strong with each other so if one falls, they can pick up the other. Nothing will be able to take out both of them if they are together either. That’s strength in a romance. It is clear that we understand the idea of being king and queen, but we haven’t realized that vision was switched to appeal the materialist image of a power couple. Instead of loyalty, faith and devotion for each other, it is now towards brands and the images of consumer virtues. The mainstream media that we grew up with rewired how we love each other, especially ideologies.
I have a lot to say about western civilization that I’ll talk about in another post, but I’ll say that it isn’t really set up to cultivate true heterosexual love. I stated earlier about the homoerotic tendency of Christianity and we know that ancient Greeks and Romans were commonly engaging in homosexuality. We don’t realize it’s that same culture that dressed up as Christianity and Catholicism and grew even wider. They spread out and implanted a religion that lowers women and elevates male relationships to a spiritual level that is supposed to be met between the complementary genders. Now what else could you expect to happen but these Brokeback Mountain type scenarios. Romantic as it is, the point here is that society is set up to put men in positions like that. Women get a different Kool-Aid of trying out guys to find a mate not realizing that she should remain pure as well so that she understands her own sexual energies. Engaging in sexual activity is directly related to spiritual energy. It’s like stem cells for yourself because you could exchange it for any skill or passion as a store of energy. When the energy is constantly gratified by low vibrational sex or masturbation or some other indulgence, you find yourself easily stressed because you have rewired your stress relief receptors to a toddler’s level. So that causes more frustration in other areas of your life ans psyche.
If both partners are matured physical and mentally, finding their sexual language should be like a spiritual experience. I noticed quickly the more I came into my spirituality, the more I noticed my sense of sexuality. I have been able to control it a lot more. My husband hasn’t had the same spiritual growth, so our sex suffers the more I notice the gap in our spirituality. I suppose this is why Christian couples can be so confident in each other’s communication when their spiritual energies are more aligned. I suppose when you’re on a network of love that isn’t restricted by such standards, it becomes harder to find your ideal mate. Even when we think we’ve found our ideal mate; we aren’t sure how to express it to each other honestly enough that doesn’t directly involve sexual desires. We aren’t feeling the love because we didn’t know how to speak it. Very nice for the 5 love languages to exist to help understand how to communicate emotionally, but I think you figure out as soon as you finish that book is that you’d rather be with someone who speaks your native tongue than a poor translator. It would be better if single people read it so they could pick up their native love language and find their match that way instead of seeking the most virile or fertile looking partner.
I write all this under the Gemini full moon. The twins. In the tarot traditionally represented with The Lovers. A pair that cannot be unbound due to a special kind of love that merges you into the other as one divine dream. Ultimate communication of body, mind and spirit. True love in real life is strange to imagine but when you shift your perspective, you realize that it is possible. A unification in the stars. It happens to some people they come across lovers and get true love first kiss and live happily ever after. Some people have to feel secure enough to unpack the psychological burdens before they can be happy in love. This is why being mature in yourself is important before attempting to love another person. You have to satisfy your childlike tendencies through refocusing on your Self. Being a child is discovering yourself, many of us get stuck at the genitals and never progress beyond it. That is why you’re still immature if you constantly need to play with sex organs or titillate yourself by placing your gratification into products. That feeling you have at Christmas as a child degenerates into overstimulated hype of materialism. This energy is creating more pedophilia and other sexual deviancy. It’s created by a terrible concoction of sexual influence as a child and devolved emotional expression. Gemini is a childlike energy by its flow of curiosity and open communications. Communicate with yourself about how you could be satisfied at every level. Have your passions been defined? Is your personality complete? Are you honest and discerning? Is your spirituality flowing with ease? The sun is opposite in Sagittarius, so all those negative aspects are being exposed on the moon’s surface. Letting our animal side hold the reigns to our sexuality doesn’t lead to long term happiness. We must control those ropes and where the energy is directed. The independent tenacity keeps the heart disconnected from committed relationships where emotions are fully expressed. Sagittarians are gossiped to be one of the worst signs to fall in love with because if they aren’t evolved, they’ll just aim all over the place and hurt you. Gemini is more careful with their language than the archer but can suffer from impreciseness, which is why JBP’s (he’s a Gemini sun) 10th rule is the one he strongly associates with because it means telling the truth always so he doesn’t misuse his skill with verbal language.
So, men, you can be angry and depressed about society, but you shouldn’t express it through porn, consumerist addictions, work or isolation from women. Take the reigns of your life and look at the road ahead and don’t look back too often. If you do that means you have a dragon to face. You should prepare to face it before you attempt to goes towards love, or it’s going to gobble you and your fair maiden while you’re distracted staring into each other’s eyes. Make an effort to learn your communication style. Don’t strive to be the next man, be like Abel instead of Cain. Instead of getting angry with forces outside of your control, take control of your life. Don’t defect your emotions into products but into your passions that come from the heart. We have to start teaching young men how to connect to all levels of themselves. Sexuality will be fully discovered by a partnership in romantic love. Not connecting from the top down will lead to dissatisfaction in all your relationships. This is why classic Disney told of love stories from a divine to root direction. Going from the bottom up will easily corrupt. Love is complicated but when we love ourselves and know our connection to each other and the divinity of life, it becomes such an obvious picture.
With all the Love in my spirit, I share this message with you so you can be re-inspired to find true love. Go the distance. Love triumphs when it is sought out with truth, and is strengthened by virtues. I pray we all lift our heads from the deception that blinds us, we understand ourselves so we can understand each other, and be filled with the cardinal virtues that align us to the Love that we are meant for.